How Dangerous Men control women #5
A series for women concerned about safety.
#5. Why TMI, Promises and “NO" can put you in danger
Final in the series:
Too Many Details: A technique of deception are men giving too many details. The goal is to confuse and distract you from the manipulators ulterior motives. Many times the details don't have anything to do with your communication or meeting. Be on notice and ask yourself "why is this man telling me all this"? It is an example of “look over here, not at the danger coming!”.
The Unsolicited Promise: When a man puts you in an uncomfortable position (by 'charming', 'forced teaming', 'type casting' or 'loan sharking' they may invariably "promise" to leave you alone after they do something. For example: "Let me take those groceries into your apartment for you, they are too heavy". You answer "no thanks" and he grabs the bag from you and says "I promise I'll just put it on the counter and leave, one minute max". Manipulators use the promise when they see you aren't convinced. When a man promises you something that you haven't solicited you must put it in context: You are hesitant about trusting this person and he is simply pointing out the obvious by making this promise. Beware.
Discounting the Word No: When a man discounts your "NO", beware. You have made it obvious your intentions. In society you may have a salesperson ask 3x for a sale. That would be considered pushy, yet probably not dangerous. When a stranger, acquaintance, boyfriend, date, husband or wife disregards "NO" they are attempting to control you. Again "why" is very important as is the context of the conversation. We have become overly polite and politically correct (read that as a 'target') for dominant individuals who want to manipulate us. This never feels good regardless of who it comes from. They are working on guilt to manipulate you. Grow a pair and say "NO, I won't tell you again", and mean it.
If you ever feel uncomfortable with a mans' approach (this goes in social settings, business settings and sales solicitations), hold your hand up and simply say “please, I’m not interested". By being welcoming it raises his expectations of you, increases his investment, and gives him further insight into controlling you.
Bottom line: unless you are open eyed and interested in what a person has to offer, he is wasting your time or worse, you could be putting your life at risk.
This is the final #5 in a series of Five
Must Reading for anyone concerned about their families safety (or their own). Simply the best information around:
"The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker
Combat Profiling Journal (www.cp-journal.com) by Patrick Van Horne
How dangerous men control women series: