How Dangerous Men control Women: #1 Charming men

• Posted on 30 August 2021
• By Barry Laws
• 2

A series for women concerned about safety.  Why charming men can be dangerous to women. #1 in a series of 5 on control.

How Dangerous Men control women #1

A series for women concerned about safety. 

#1 Why charming men can be dangerous to women.

Charm is not cute.  Charm is not flattering.  Charm is simply a tool to control.  Charm can be deadly.

Charm has a goal.  If that charm is directed at you or a loved one, you are that goal.  Charm is an attempt to control you.  Let me repeat that:  Charm is an attempt to control you.  It is not cute.  It is not nice.  It is not flattering.

Why are you allowing a stranger to attempt to control you or your loved ones?  In my youth we were at a party where one of my female friends had a little too much to drink.  She was in my opinion vulnerable.  As if on cue a 'charmer' begins his rap, smooth and controlled.  

I had to ask myself why was this man trying to charm an obviously intoxicated friend of mine.  The answer was clear and not happening.  I asked the man to leave.  

When you are thinking “he’s so nice and charming”, ask yourself "why is this person trying control me, charm me”?  Has a different connotation doesn't it?  Criminals are often described as "nice and charming".  Think of Ted Bundy (photo above).  Reports were that he was charming and nice.

Niceness is not a character trait.  It is a social strategy to get things.  Niceness is not goodness. Goodness is acting in the best interest of another with no expected return.  Niceness is an attempt to get a return.  Society blurs the line but it’s there.  You know the difference in your heart.  Again ask yourself "why" is someone acting nice to me?

I'm not proposing karate chopping everyone who smiles at you but if someone is making an unsolicited approach you don’t feel comfortable with, stop them.  This goes in social settings, business settings and sales solicitations.  Hold your hand up and simply say “please, I’m not interested".  By being welcoming it raises his expectations of you, increases his investment, and gives him further insight into controlling you.  

Bottom line:  unless you are open eyed and interested in what a person has to offer, he is wasting your time or worse, you could be putting your life at risk.

This is #1 in a series of Five

How dangerous men control women series:

1. Why charming men are dangerous to women. (charm)
2. Why men try to offend women (type casting)
3. Why men want to be on your team (forced teaming)
4. Why bars are full of loan sharks. (loan shark)
5. Why TMI can put you in danger. (tmi)
   • Unsolicited Promise
   • Discounting the word “no”.